In our society, the prevailing narrative often emphasizes the need to “overcome” or “control” our fears and unwanted emotions. We hear phrases like “conquer your anxiety,” “defeat your fears,” and “master your emotions” regularly. While these terms are well-intentioned, they can inadvertently lead to more anxiety and distress. From the perspective of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or Training (ACT), the approach to unwanted thoughts, emotions, and sensations is fundamentally different. Instead of trying to overcome or control these experiences, ACT encourages us to manage them, fostering a healthier relationship with our internal world.
The Illusion of Control
The desire to control our thoughts and emotions stems from a natural human inclination to seek comfort and avoid pain. However, this quest for control often backfires. When we try to suppress or eliminate unwanted feelings, we may inadvertently give them more power. For instance, telling ourselves not to think about a pink elephant typically results in us thinking about it even more. Similarly, efforts to suppress anxiety or fear can make these emotions more persistent and overwhelming.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: A Different Approach
ACT offers a refreshing and effective alternative to the traditional control-based approach. It is built on the foundation of psychological flexibility, which involves being open to our experiences, accepting them without judgment, and committing to actions that align with our values.
The Power of Acceptance
Acceptance does not mean resignation or passive endurance. It means actively embracing our thoughts and emotions as they are, without trying to change them. This acceptance allows us to reduce the struggle against our internal experiences, which can often be more distressing than the experiences themselves.
For example, if you feel anxious about an upcoming presentation, acceptance involves acknowledging your anxiety without attempting to suppress it or label it as bad. By accepting your anxiety, you can focus your energy on preparing for the presentation in a way that aligns with your values, such as delivering valuable information to your audience.
Defusion: Creating Space Between You and Your Thoughts
ACT introduces the concept of cognitive defusion, which involves creating space between ourselves and our thoughts. Instead of being entangled with our thoughts, we observe them as they are—simply thoughts, not facts. This perspective helps us to see our thoughts as temporary mental events rather than absolute truths.
For instance, if you have the thought “I’m not good enough,” defusion allows you to recognize this thought as just that—a thought. It does not define your worth or capabilities. By practicing defusion, you can reduce the impact of negative thoughts on your emotions and behaviors.
Living in the Present Moment
Mindfulness, a core component of ACT, emphasizes staying connected to the present moment. Often, our distress comes from ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness helps us ground ourselves in the here and now, where we can engage fully with our current experience.
A simple mindfulness exercise involves focusing on your breath. Notice the sensation of the air entering and leaving your nostrils, the rise and fall of your chest, and the rhythm of your breathing. This practice helps anchor you in the present moment, reducing the influence of anxiety and worry.
Values-Based Living
ACT encourages us to identify our core values and commit to actions that reflect those values. Values are deeply held beliefs about what is important and meaningful in life. When we live in alignment with our values, we experience a sense of purpose and fulfillment, even in the presence of difficult emotions.
For example, if one of your values is compassion, you might choose to volunteer at a local shelter, despite feeling anxious about social interactions. By focusing on your value of compassion, you can move forward with meaningful actions, regardless of your anxiety.
The Language of Managing Emotions
Instead of using terms like “overcome,” “defeat,” “conquer,” or “control,” we can adopt a language that reflects a more accepting and compassionate approach. Here are some alternative phrases:
- Manage: “I am learning to manage my anxiety.”
- Navigate: “I am navigating through my fears.”
- Accept: “I accept my emotions as they come.”
- Allow: “I allow myself to feel these sensations.”
- Experience: “I am experiencing my emotions fully.”
- Observe: “I observe my thoughts without judgment.”
- Coexist: “I can coexist with my discomfort.”
Conclusion
The ACT approach to managing unwanted thoughts, emotions, and sensations emphasizes acceptance, mindfulness, and values-based living. By shifting our focus from trying to control or overcome our internal experiences to managing and accepting them, we can reduce the struggle and find more peace and fulfillment in our lives. This compassionate and flexible approach allows us to live more authentically, in harmony with our true selves and our deepest values.