How Mindfulness Can Change Your Perception of Aging and Stress

Most of us believe that aging and stress are inevitable parts of life. But what if how we perceive these experiences actually has the power to influence our health and longevity? Research on mindfulness and mind-body unity suggests that our thoughts about aging and stress may be just as important as the physical realities we experience. By practicing mindfulness, we can reshape these perceptions and improve our wellbeing.

Changing the Perception of Aging

A study conducted by Ellen Langer in 1979 showed that when elderly men were placed in an environment that resembled their youth, their physical and mental health improved dramatically. This study suggests that how we perceive our age can have a real effect on how our bodies age. Participants who believed they were younger experienced better posture, greater flexibility, and even improved memory.

Mindfulness can help us change our perception of aging. Instead of fixating on the negative aspects of getting older, we can practice mindful awareness of our bodies and appreciate the strength and wisdom we’ve gained over the years. A mindfulness practice could include:

  • Daily Body Awareness: Each morning, take a few moments to focus on the sensations in your body. Appreciate the parts that feel strong and acknowledge the areas where you may need more care or attention.

  • Positive Aging Affirmations: Use affirmations to reframe your thoughts about aging. Say to yourself, “I am growing wiser and stronger each day,” or “My body is resilient and capable.”

Mindfulness for Stress Reduction

It’s not just our perception of aging that can affect our health—how we view stress can also have a significant impact. A study by Abiola Keller and her colleagues found that adults who perceived stress as harmful were more likely to die earlier than those who did not view stress in a negative light, even when they experienced high levels of stress.

Mindfulness can help shift our relationship with stress. Rather than seeing stress as something harmful that we need to avoid, we can learn to view it as a natural part of life and even a source of motivation. When practiced regularly, mindfulness can reduce the physical and mental toll that stress takes on our bodies.

Here’s a simple mindfulness technique to help you manage stress:

  1. Breathing Exercise: When you feel stressed, stop what you’re doing and take a deep breath in for four seconds, hold for four, and then exhale for four seconds. Repeat this cycle until you feel your body begin to relax. Or simply be aware of your breathing without counting. By bringing your awareness to your breathing you are activating that side of yourself that can simply be aware. If you can focus on slower, deeper breaths, that's our way of saying to our body "It's okay, we are safe".

  2. Mindful Awareness of Stress: Instead of trying to suppress stress, acknowledge it without judgment. Notice where you feel tension in your body and gently breathe into those areas. This awareness alone can help reduce the intensity of the stress you’re experiencing. See stress as a sign post that is saying something is not quite right in our lives. Our yourself to explore what might need to change in your life to help reduce unwanted levels of stress. This incorporates an action component (change) with awareness of the stress (the unwanted thoughts, feelings and sensations).

Conclusion: Mindfulness and the Future of Health

Mind-body unity shows us that we have more control over our health than we might think. By practicing mindfulness, we can change the way we perceive our bodies, our stress, and our age, leading to improved health and longevity. These studies give us hope that even the smallest changes in our thoughts can have a big impact on our overall wellbeing. Incorporate mindfulness into your life every day!

Mind-Body Unity and Imaginary Experiences: The Power of the Mind in Healing

When we think about health, we often focus on diet, exercise, and medical interventions. But recent studies suggest that our thoughts and imagination can also have a profound impact on our physical wellbeing. This is where mindfulness and the concept of "mind-body unity" come into play—showing us that what we imagine can be just as powerful as what we physically do.

The Case of Imagined Eating

One study conducted by Carey Morewedge and colleagues asked participants to imagine eating cheese repeatedly. Those who imagined eating it many times consumed less when actually presented with the food, feeling as though they had already experienced it. This study highlights a key point: the brain often cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. This is particularly important for those struggling with overeating or emotional eating. Mindful practices that focus on visualization can help individuals manage cravings and reduce overeating by giving the mind the satisfaction it seeks.

Mindful Eating for Better Health

The power of imagined experiences can also be applied in everyday mindfulness practices like mindful eating. When we eat mindfully, paying full attention to the sensory experience of each bite, we’re more likely to feel satisfied with less food. This prevents overeating and improves digestion, as we give our bodies the time to process what we’re consuming.

Try this simple mindful eating exercise:

  1. Take a small piece of food, such as a raisin or a slice of fruit.
  2. Observe it closely, noticing its color, texture, and smell.
  3. Slowly bring it to your mouth, paying attention to how your body reacts as you anticipate the taste.
  4. Chew slowly, savoring the flavors and textures as they unfold in your mouth.
  5. Notice how your body feels as you eat this small piece of food.

This kind of mindful awareness helps us to slow down and fully experience the act of eating, leading to greater satisfaction and less consumption.

The Power of Imaginary Exercise

Another fascinating area of research is the idea of "imaginary exercise." Studies by Vinoth Ranganathan and colleagues revealed that participants who mentally exercised their fingers or flexed their elbows for three months experienced increases in strength, even though they hadn’t performed any physical movements. The act of imagining the exercise produced similar neural patterns in the brain as actual physical movement, leading to measurable strength gains.

This opens up exciting possibilities for people with physical limitations or those recovering from injuries. By combining physical rehabilitation with mindfulness and mental imagery, individuals may be able to speed up their recovery and regain function faster.

Here’s a mindfulness exercise for incorporating imaginary movement:

  1. Find a quiet place to sit comfortably.
  2. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to center your attention.
  3. Now, visualize yourself performing a physical movement, such as lifting weights or practicing yoga. Focus on the specific muscles you would be using.
  4. Imagine the feeling of strength as you perform the movement. Hold this image in your mind for several minutes.

With regular practice, this mental exercise can complement physical activity, helping you achieve your fitness goals and improving your body’s performance.

Mind and Body as One: How Mindfulness Transforms Health

In our fast-paced world, the separation of mind and body is a concept ingrained in much of Western thinking. However, evidence suggests that integrating mind and body can lead to profound health benefits, both physically and mentally. As we explore how mindfulness helps achieve this unity, we’ll look at some surprising studies that demonstrate the power of our thoughts and attention in shaping our wellbeing.

The Western Tradition: A Mind-Body Divide

Western medicine has historically relied on the dualistic model, where the mind and body are viewed as separate entities. For example, Aristotle believed a calm mind contributes to physical health, but it wasn't until Descartes that the body and mind were seen as distinctly separate, with the body functioning as a machine independent of thoughts or emotions.

Even groundbreaking discoveries such as Robert Koch's identification of bacteria and Louis Pasteur’s development of vaccines reinforced this divide, focusing primarily on physical causes of disease. Psychological variables were seen as playing little role in health, and medical treatments largely ignored the mind. This belief shaped how illnesses were treated for centuries, with diseases being viewed purely as physiological issues.

The Eastern Perspective: A Holistic Approach

In contrast, Eastern traditions have long emphasized the connection between the mind and body. Ancient Indian texts as early as AD 600 discussed the effects of emotions like hate, violence, and grief on physical health. Traditional Chinese medicine, practiced for over two thousand years, has focused on the concept of chi, or life force, and its role in maintaining health. These traditions illustrate how thoughts, emotions, and physical health are intertwined.

Mindfulness, originating from these Eastern traditions, focuses on the present moment and the awareness of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. This practice has long been recognized as a way to balance the mind-body connection and promote health.

Scientific Evidence Supporting Mind-Body Unity

Studies in the West are now catching up to these holistic views. Research has shown that mindfulness practices can have a direct impact on physical health. For instance, studies on elderly adults revealed that those encouraged to make decisions and care for plants were twice as likely to be alive eighteen months later than those who did not engage in such mindful activities. Psychological interventions, such as mindfulness and meditation, have been shown to reduce stress, increase longevity, and improve physical functions like flexibility, dexterity, and even memory.

One fascinating study in 1979 showed that when elderly men lived in an environment resembling their youth, their biological and psychological markers significantly improved, simply by being immersed in an atmosphere that primed their minds to perceive themselves as younger.

Mindfulness as a Tool for Health

The power of mindfulness lies in its ability to help individuals become aware of their thoughts and how those thoughts affect the body. Consider the example of fatigue. Many of us feel tired not because of physical limitations but because we expect to feel tired at a certain point. Studies have demonstrated that individuals can hold onto mental limits, like believing they are tired halfway through a task, even though they can continue without significant physical strain. With mindfulness, people can learn to recognize these mental limits and move past them, improving their overall endurance and wellbeing.

Practical Mindfulness Techniques

If the unity of mind and body offers such great benefits, how can we tap into this power? Here are some practical mindfulness techniques you can incorporate into your daily life:

  • Body Scan Meditation: This practice involves mentally scanning your body from head to toe, paying attention to any areas of tension or discomfort. By noticing these sensations without judgment, you can release tension and promote relaxation.

  • Mindful Breathing: Focus on your breath as it moves in and out of your body. Notice how each breath feels, and allow your mind to settle into the rhythm of your breathing. This technique can reduce stress and promote calmness.

  • Mindful Eating: Pay attention to the taste, texture, and aroma of each bite you eat. Eat slowly and notice how your body responds to the food. This practice can help you develop a healthier relationship with food and recognize when you’re full.

  • Gratitude Practice: Take a few minutes each day to reflect on what you’re grateful for. This can shift your focus from stress and anxiety to positive emotions, improving both your mental and physical health.

From Chaos to Calm – A Journey Towards Safety and Connection

From a Polyvagal Theory (PVT) perspective, individuals who exhibit a strong need for control over situations and their environment may be functioning in a state of heightened physiological protection. The theory explains human responses through the autonomic nervous system, which operates along three main states:

  1. Ventral Vagal (Safety and Social Engagement): In this state, people feel safe, open, and connected with others. They can engage in flexible, adaptive behaviors and trust themselves and their environment.
  2. Sympathetic (Fight or Flight): When individuals perceive a threat (real or imagined), they may activate the sympathetic nervous system, leading to fight or flight responses. This response increases anxiety and hypervigilance, leading to behaviors like seeking control to manage perceived threats.
  3. Dorsal Vagal (Shut Down or Freeze): If the system perceives overwhelming or chronic danger, individuals may shift into a shutdown or freeze response, where they disengage from their environment as a form of protection.

For individuals who need to exert control, they are likely experiencing sympathetic arousal (fight-or-flight mode), where the nervous system remains hyperalert, scanning for potential danger. Control becomes a strategy to reduce uncertainty, mitigate perceived risks, and create a sense of safety. They may have difficulty trusting the environment or others and thus rely heavily on controlling external circumstances to regulate their internal state.

This need for control can also be a response to past trauma or unsafe experiences where unpredictability and chaos might have been associated with danger. To regain a sense of safety, these individuals develop a habit of trying to control as much as possible, believing that doing so will prevent harm.

Therapeutically, understanding this through a Polyvagal lens suggests that supporting individuals in moving towards ventral vagal activation (a state of safety and social connection) can help them reduce their reliance on control as a coping mechanism. Techniques that enhance safety and foster co-regulation with others, like mindfulness, deep breathing, and safe relational experiences, can gently encourage a shift from a state of hypervigilance to a state of calm openness.

Why Is Mindfulness So Helpful Yet So Hard to Maintain? The Answer Lies in Evolution

In recent years, mindfulness has become a go-to practice for enhancing mental well-being, reducing stress, and increasing focus. Millions of people worldwide have turned to it to help calm their minds and reconnect with the present. Yet, for all the benefits, many struggle to maintain a consistent mindfulness practice. Why?

To understand this, we need to look at the human mind through the lens of evolution. Our brains have been shaped over millennia to focus on survival, not serenity. While mindfulness offers peace and awareness, it often conflicts with our brain's survival-focused tendencies. Let’s dive into the fascinating world of evolutionary psychology and mindfulness.



The Evolutionary Purpose of Thinking: Survival First

Human thinking evolved primarily as a tool for survival. Long before modern civilization, early humans lived in environments filled with potential threats. Whether it was predators, hostile tribes, or a lack of food, our ancestors needed sharp cognitive skills to quickly assess situations and plan ahead. Thus, the mind became wired to constantly scan for danger, solve problems, and make predictions about the future.

This was not a process of mindful reflection but of rapid response and decision-making. These survival instincts were crucial for avoiding danger and ensuring the continuation of the species. Our minds became adept at worrying, planning, and even imagining worst-case scenarios—behaviors that would have increased the chances of staying alive in the wild.

Fast forward to today, and although we no longer face the same immediate physical threats, our brains haven’t evolved as quickly as society. We still have those ancient circuits firing up whenever something seems out of place or uncertain. Our minds are constantly running on high alert, even in situations where there’s no immediate danger. We worry about deadlines, social situations, and countless other modern stressors.

This is why mindfulness, with its focus on the present and releasing attachments to thoughts and emotions, can feel so unnatural.



Why Is Mindfulness So Effective?

Despite the brain’s natural inclinations, mindfulness remains a powerful tool for managing the stress and anxiety that arise from our evolutionary programming. Mindfulness helps us slow down and observe our thoughts and feelings without immediately reacting to them. It’s the antidote to a mind perpetually in “fight or flight” mode.

Here are some key reasons why mindfulness is so effective:

Reduced Stress Response: By focusing on the present, mindfulness helps to deactivate the brain's automatic stress response. When we aren’t constantly fixated on future dangers or past regrets, we stop triggering the stress hormone cortisol, leading to a sense of calm.

Improved Focus:
Mindfulness teaches us to gently return our attention to the present moment. In a world full of distractions, training the brain to focus can improve productivity and emotional resilience.

Greater Emotional Regulation: With regular practice, mindfulness helps increase awareness of our emotions. Instead of reacting impulsively, we can pause, reflect, and respond in a way that aligns with our values.

Enhanced Well-being: Many mindfulness practitioners report feeling more connected, grounded, and at peace. This sense of well-being grows as we disengage from the relentless chatter of the survival-driven mind.



The Challenge: Our Survival Brain vs. Mindfulness

If mindfulness is so effective, why do most people find it difficult to maintain? The answer lies in the conflict between mindfulness and our brain's evolutionary wiring.

Survival Bias:
The human brain is biased towards detecting threats. It's constantly on alert, even when no immediate danger exists. This creates a tendency to be distracted by negative thoughts, worries, or future concerns, making it hard to stay present.

Immediate Gratification:
Our brains have also evolved to seek immediate rewards (like finding food or shelter). Mindfulness, however, offers long-term benefits that might not feel as immediately satisfying, which makes it hard to stay consistent when the "quick fix" of distraction is more tempting.

Resistance to Stillness: For some, stillness and present-moment awareness feel uncomfortable because it means confronting emotions or thoughts that we've avoided. The mind resists this confrontation, preferring the distractions of planning, worrying, or daydreaming.

The Effort Required: Practicing mindfulness consistently requires effort, patience, and persistence. Like any skill, it takes time to develop, but our brains may resist this unfamiliar practice because it doesn’t offer the instant gratification we’re wired to seek.



How to Bridge the Gap: Practical Steps to Make Mindfulness Easier

While our evolutionary wiring presents a challenge, it doesn’t mean mindfulness is unattainable. In fact, understanding why it’s difficult can help us be more patient with ourselves and improve our practice. Here are some strategies to help maintain a consistent mindfulness routine:

Start Small: Begin with just a few minutes of mindfulness each day. It’s better to build a habit slowly than to overwhelm yourself with lengthy meditation sessions from the start.

Be Compassionate: Recognize that it's normal for your mind to wander or resist the practice. Approach yourself with kindness, remembering that your brain is simply doing what it’s been designed to do.

Use Anchors: Simple mindfulness practices like focusing on your breath, feeling the ground beneath your feet, or observing your surroundings can be easy ways to ground yourself in the present moment.

Focus on Consistency, Not Perfection: Instead of aiming for "perfect" mindfulness sessions, aim for consistency. Even on days when your mind feels particularly chaotic, simply showing up for the practice is a win.

Mindfulness in Motion: You don’t need to be sitting still to practice mindfulness. Walking, eating, or doing daily activities with full attention and presence can be just as effective as formal meditation.



Final Thoughts: Mindfulness as an Evolutionary Upgrade

Mindfulness might feel like an uphill battle against your brain’s survival mechanisms, but it's also an opportunity to upgrade your mental software. While our brains evolved to focus on survival, mindfulness teaches us to thrive. By engaging with the present, we can calm the constant hum of survival-based thinking and live with greater peace and clarity.

Practicing mindfulness may take effort, but as with any new habit, persistence is key. Over time, the mind can be trained to adopt new patterns, allowing us to balance both evolutionary instincts and the modern need for calm awareness.

As you continue your mindfulness journey, remember that you’re not fighting your biology—you’re evolving beyond it.



Further Reading and Resources:

  • The Evolution of the Human Mind and the Benefits of Mindfulness
    This article provides insight into how mindfulness has evolved from ancient practices to its modern-day application in mental health and well-being. You can find more details about the origins of mindfulness and how it has integrated into psychological practices https://mindowl.org/where-does-mindfulness-come-from/

  • Mindfulness for Beginners: A Guide to Starting Your Practice
    For those new to mindfulness, this guide offers practical steps to begin your journey and explains the basics of mindfulness practice, including its roots in Bu​ddhist Philosophy https://heartfulness.org/magazine/the-evolution-of-mindfulness

  • ACT and Mindfulness: A New Approach to Mental Health
    This article dives into how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) incorporates mindfulness to improve psychological flexibility and mental hea​lth. It's a helpful resource for understanding how these two concepts intersect. https://mindowl.org/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-exercises/

How are we victims of perspective?

 This is a profound question! We often become victims of perspective because our worldview is shaped by our past experiences, fears, and expectations. Here's how:

Conditioned Thinking: Our minds filter the present through past events. If we’ve experienced trauma, rejection, or failure, we may unconsciously see the world through those lenses. This skews our perception of reality, making us overly cautious, fearful, or mistrusting. Our past perspective becomes a prison.

Fear of the Future
: Our anxieties about the future can distort how we engage with the present. We obsess over "what if" scenarios and worst-case outcomes, trapping ourselves in worry instead of enjoying the now. We make decisions based on hypothetical fears rather than actual possibilities.

Self-fulfilling Prophecies
: The perspective we hold often dictates our actions. If we believe we’re not good enough, we may behave in ways that reinforce that belief, unintentionally creating circumstances that prove it. Thus, we become victims of the story we tell ourselves.

Over-identifying with Thoughts
: Our mind generates endless thoughts, often without much basis in reality. When we believe these thoughts unquestionably, we let them dictate how we feel, perceive, and act. By identifying with every thought, we limit our potential to see life as it really is.

Cultural/Social Influence
: Our perspectives are shaped not only by personal experience but also by the culture, family, and society we belong to. This can limit our view of what’s possible, trapping us in a fixed mindset about ourselves and others. For example, societal norms might dictate success as financial wealth, causing us to feel "less than" if we don’t conform to that standard.

Breaking free from being victims of perspective requires a shift into awareness. When we practice mindfulness, we can observe our thoughts and emotions without being controlled by them. We start seeing life as it is—not as our conditioning and fears want us to believe. Embracing presence helps us transcend those limiting perspectives.

The Power of Being Fully Present – Beyond Thoughts and Feelings

When we speak of being in the very present moment—“right here, right now”—we are referring to a state of awareness that exists beyond thoughts or emotions. Thoughts and emotions are largely reflections of the past or anticipations of the future, belonging to the conceptual mind. In the true immediacy of the present moment, there’s no time for thoughts to arise because thoughts require time to process, analyze, and interpret experiences.

In the present moment, when we drop into a state of full awareness, we encounter what can be called pure being. This being doesn’t have opinions, judgments, or stories attached to it—it simply is. Sensations may still arise, like the feeling of breath or a sound in the environment, but they occur without mental labeling. Instead of thinking, “this is my breath” or “I feel happy,” we just experience the sensation as it is, raw and direct.

The act of thinking and feeling actually happens after we observe the present moment. It’s like the mind needs to step back from reality, take a snapshot, and only then start analyzing or feeling something about it. But this stepping back is already a departure from the immediacy of the present.

In essence, when we are truly present in the “now,” thoughts and feelings dissolve. They only arise once we slip back into the mental framework of past or future.


Is There Research That Supports This?

Yes, scientific research supports the idea that thoughts and emotions do not arise in the same way when we are fully present. Studies in mindfulness and meditation explore how the brain functions during deep present-moment awareness.

1. Mindfulness and the Default Mode Network (DMN)

The DMN is a brain network active during mind-wandering and self-referential thinking—such as worrying or planning. When individuals practice mindfulness, the DMN’s activity decreases. This reduction corresponds to fewer intrusive thoughts and less focus on the past or future. A study by Brewer et al. (2011) found that experienced meditators showed reduced DMN activity during mindfulness, indicating that mindfulness helps people stay present and experience fewer distracting thoughts.

2. Flow State Research

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi popularized the concept of the flow state, which closely relates to being fully absorbed in the present moment. During flow, self-conscious thoughts fade, and there’s a suspension of reflective thinking. Research by Dietrich (2004) showed that during flow, there is suppression of the prefrontal cortex, which is linked to self-referential thinking and abstract planning. This supports the idea that reflective thoughts are minimized in the present moment.

3. Mindfulness Meditation and Brain Function

Mindfulness meditation focuses the mind on present sensations, such as breathing or body awareness. Neuroimaging studies show that during mindfulness practice, brain regions associated with self-referential thought (like the medial prefrontal cortex) become less active. Instead, sensory-processing areas become more engaged, showing that present-moment awareness brings us closer to immediate experience, reducing narrative thinking. A study by Farb et al. (2007) demonstrated that mindfulness practice shifts brain activity from narrative thinking to direct experiential awareness.

4. Present-Moment Awareness and Emotional Regulation

Mindfulness enhances emotional regulation by allowing people to “decenter” from their emotions. When we are fully present, we observe our emotions without being overwhelmed or caught up in them. A study by Garland et al. (2010) showed that mindfulness practices helped individuals disengage from emotional reactivity and engage with the present moment more effectively, resulting in improved emotional regulation.


How Does Present-Moment Awareness Offer More Behavioral Choices?

Present-moment awareness doesn’t just help us with emotional regulation—it also expands our ability to choose how we respond to thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Here’s how:

1. Creating Space Between Stimulus and Response

Mindfulness creates a mental pause between an emotion or thought and our reaction to it. Normally, we might automatically follow a worry or emotion as soon as it arises. With mindfulness, we learn to observe the thought or feeling as a mental event, rather than reacting impulsively. As Viktor Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” This space allows for more conscious decision-making, whether it’s choosing to follow a thought or emotion, or to let it pass.

2. Decentering from Thoughts and Emotions

Mindfulness teaches us to recognize that we are not our thoughts or feelings—they are temporary experiences passing through our awareness. When we practice present-moment awareness, we can see emotions like worry for what they are—just passing thoughts—not facts that must be followed. This gives us the freedom to decide whether or not to engage with the thought or let it go.

3. Emotional Regulation Through Present-Moment Awareness

Present-moment awareness enhances emotional regulation by reducing over-identification with emotions. For instance, a small worry can snowball into anxiety when we get caught up in a thought spiral. Mindfulness interrupts this by decreasing activity in the amygdala (the brain’s emotional center) and increasing activity in the prefrontal cortex, which governs decision-making. This means we are less likely to react impulsively and more likely to respond with intentionality.

4. Shifting from “Doing Mode” to “Being Mode”

Much of our worry comes from the mind’s tendency to always be in doing mode—trying to solve problems, fix issues, or anticipate challenges. In contrast, being mode is about simply observing the present moment without trying to change or fix anything. In this state, we acknowledge thoughts and feelings like worry but recognize that we don’t have to react to them.

5. Behavioral Flexibility and Value-Based Actions

When we’re present, we gain more behavioral flexibility. Instead of being driven by automatic emotional responses, we can assess whether our thoughts and feelings align with our values. This flexibility allows us to choose actions that reflect our long-term values rather than reacting to short-term emotional triggers. For example, if your value is being present with your family, mindfulness helps you notice when worry arises and choose to redirect your attention back to your family, rather than getting lost in anxious thoughts.


Conclusion

Present-moment awareness, cultivated through mindfulness, opens up more options in how we respond to our emotions and thoughts. Instead of being driven by automatic emotional reactions, we learn to observe thoughts and feelings without attachment, creating space for intentional and value-based choices. In this way, we gain greater emotional balance, clarity, and flexibility, allowing us to live with more purpose and less reactivity. This approach can be applied to any area of life, whether you're dealing with worry, stress, or decision-making. By practicing mindfulness, we move away from past- and future-oriented thinking and enter a space of greater freedom and choice.

Rather than waste your time being stressed over making the right decision – make the decision right

Rather than waste your time being stressed over making the right decision, make the decision right, randomly choose. Now you can randomly choose if you want this delicious cake or that delicious cake, nobody's gonna care, right? It's the exact same thing about getting married or taking the job or not. You can only live one life. If there were some magical way that I could live a life as somebody who could have three kids than somebody who hasn't had kids, maybe I can make a comparison, but you don't have that available to you. So if you are deciding should you do this degree or that degree, and you make the decision to do that degree and it turns out to be a terrible decision and then you say I wish I'd done the other degree, well there's no way of knowing that the other degree would have been better or worse or the same. That's why regret is mindless because the choice you didn't take, you're presuming would have been better.

Is it possible that worry and anxiety are arrogant attributes as they are often selective?

The idea that worry and anxiety could be seen as arrogant attributes due to their selective nature is an intriguing perspective. Here's a way to explore this concept:

Worry and anxiety often center around specific concerns, which can reflect a narrow focus on particular outcomes or scenarios.

This selectiveness may stem from a deeper desire to control or predict the future, emphasizing the importance of certain aspects of one's life while neglecting others. From this viewpoint, such selective attention might be seen as a form of arrogance, as it implies an overestimation of one's ability to foresee and manage future events.

When the worry, a fear and associated anxiety impact the quality of our life in this present moment, then there is benefit in managing that anxiety. Anxiety, worry and fear are normal human reactions to life events. It's when it gets out of control that it becomes problematic in our day to day life. When I questioned, in a way, is it arrogant to worry too much, I was hinting at the worries my clients have that motivates them to reach out for support. Many clients are so stuck to a worry, fear, a problem that they cannot separate themselves from it. But when I ask if they may be worried that at any time they may have an aneurisym, a heart attack, the roof might fall in, I'm often met with a perplexed look and the answer 'no'. That's why worry is often selective. Ultimately we have no control over the future. Any of these events may happen. If we can factor that in, in our day to day lives and then hold on 'lightly' to those potential worries and concerns, fears and associated anxiety, we then allow more of our energy to go into what is actually happening right here, right now.


Anxiety and worry often involve an implicit belief that one's thoughts and concerns are of utmost importance, overshadowing the broader context of life. This could be perceived as a kind of self-centeredness, where the individual's immediate fears and doubts take precedence over a more balanced, holistic understanding of their circumstances.

However, it's essential to approach this perspective with compassion and understanding. Anxiety and worry are natural human responses to uncertainty and perceived threats. They often arise from deeply ingrained survival mechanisms and can be exacerbated by various psychological, environmental, and biological factors.

Acknowledging the potential for arrogance in worry and anxiety doesn't mean diminishing the genuine distress they cause. Instead, it can offer a path toward greater self-awareness and humility. By recognizing the selective nature of these emotions, individuals can work towards a more mindful and expansive view of their lives, cultivating a sense of acceptance and balance, no matter what is happening. Perceived suffering can often be the gateway to beneficial life changes that would not have been explored had it not been for the 'suffering'.

This approach aligns with the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which encourages embracing thoughts and feelings without letting them dominate one's actions, fostering a broader perspective on life's challenges. And of course regularly 'checking-in' throughout the day by stopping, a couple of slower breaths, checking our thoughts, scanning our body, getting a sense that we are more grounded in the present moment, right here, right now, and from there deciding what comes next in our day. More worry? I doubt it.

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Mark Lockyer - The Mindful Guru

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