From a Polyvagal Theory (PVT) perspective, individuals who exhibit a strong need for control over situations and their environment may be functioning in a state of heightened physiological protection. The theory explains human responses through the autonomic nervous system, which operates along three main states:
Ventral Vagal (Safety and Social Engagement): In this state, people feel safe, open, and connected with others. They can engage in flexible, adaptive behaviors and trust themselves and their environment.
Sympathetic (Fight or Flight): When individuals perceive a threat (real or imagined), they may activate the sympathetic nervous system, leading to fight or flight responses. This response increases anxiety and hypervigilance, leading to behaviors like seeking control to manage perceived threats.
Dorsal Vagal (Shut Down or Freeze): If the system perceives overwhelming or chronic danger, individuals may shift into a shutdown or freeze response, where they disengage from their environment as a form of protection.
For individuals who need to exert control, they are likely experiencing sympathetic arousal (fight-or-flight mode), where the nervous system remains hyperalert, scanning for potential danger. Control becomes a strategy to reduce uncertainty, mitigate perceived risks, and create a sense of safety. They may have difficulty trusting the environment or others and thus rely heavily on controlling external circumstances to regulate their internal state.
This need for control can also be a response to past trauma or unsafe experiences where unpredictability and chaos might have been associated with danger. To regain a sense of safety, these individuals develop a habit of trying to control as much as possible, believing that doing so will prevent harm.
Therapeutically, understanding this through a Polyvagal lens suggests that supporting individuals in moving towards ventral vagal activation (a state of safety and social connection) can help them reduce their reliance on control as a coping mechanism. Techniques that enhance safety and foster co-regulation with others, like mindfulness, deep breathing, and safe relational experiences, can gently encourage a shift from a state of hypervigilance to a state of calm openness.
Rather than waste your time being stressed over making the right decision, make the decision right, randomly choose. Now you can randomly choose if you want this delicious cake or that delicious cake, nobody's gonna care, right? It's the exact same thing about getting married or taking the job or not. You can only live one life. If there were some magical way that I could live a life as somebody who could have three kids than somebody who hasn't had kids, maybe I can make a comparison, but you don't have that available to you. So if you are deciding should you do this degree or that degree, and you make the decision to do that degree and it turns out to be a terrible decision and then you say I wish I'd done the other degree, well there's no way of knowing that the other degree would have been better or worse or the same. That's why regret is mindless because the choice you didn't take, you're presuming would have been better.
In our society, the prevailing narrative often emphasizes the need to "overcome" or "control" our fears and unwanted emotions. We hear phrases like "conquer your anxiety," "defeat your fears," and "master your emotions" regularly. While these terms are well-intentioned, they can inadvertently lead to more anxiety and distress. From the perspective of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or Training (ACT), the approach to unwanted thoughts, emotions, and sensations is fundamentally different. Instead of trying to overcome or control these experiences, ACT encourages us to manage them, fostering a healthier relationship with our internal world.
The Illusion of Control
The desire to control our thoughts and emotions stems from a natural human inclination to seek comfort and avoid pain. However, this quest for control often backfires. When we try to suppress or eliminate unwanted feelings, we may inadvertently give them more power. For instance, telling ourselves not to think about a pink elephant typically results in us thinking about it even more. Similarly, efforts to suppress anxiety or fear can make these emotions more persistent and overwhelming.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: A Different Approach
ACT offers a refreshing and effective alternative to the traditional control-based approach. It is built on the foundation of psychological flexibility, which involves being open to our experiences, accepting them without judgment, and committing to actions that align with our values.
The Power of Acceptance
Acceptance does not mean resignation or passive endurance. It means actively embracing our thoughts and emotions as they are, without trying to change them. This acceptance allows us to reduce the struggle against our internal experiences, which can often be more distressing than the experiences themselves.
For example, if you feel anxious about an upcoming presentation, acceptance involves acknowledging your anxiety without attempting to suppress it or label it as bad. By accepting your anxiety, you can focus your energy on preparing for the presentation in a way that aligns with your values, such as delivering valuable information to your audience.
Defusion: Creating Space Between You and Your Thoughts
ACT introduces the concept of cognitive defusion, which involves creating space between ourselves and our thoughts. Instead of being entangled with our thoughts, we observe them as they are—simply thoughts, not facts. This perspective helps us to see our thoughts as temporary mental events rather than absolute truths.
For instance, if you have the thought "I'm not good enough," defusion allows you to recognize this thought as just that—a thought. It does not define your worth or capabilities. By practicing defusion, you can reduce the impact of negative thoughts on your emotions and behaviors.
Living in the Present Moment
Mindfulness, a core component of ACT, emphasizes staying connected to the present moment. Often, our distress comes from ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness helps us ground ourselves in the here and now, where we can engage fully with our current experience.
A simple mindfulness exercise involves focusing on your breath. Notice the sensation of the air entering and leaving your nostrils, the rise and fall of your chest, and the rhythm of your breathing. This practice helps anchor you in the present moment, reducing the influence of anxiety and worry.
Values-Based Living
ACT encourages us to identify our core values and commit to actions that reflect those values. Values are deeply held beliefs about what is important and meaningful in life. When we live in alignment with our values, we experience a sense of purpose and fulfillment, even in the presence of difficult emotions.
For example, if one of your values is compassion, you might choose to volunteer at a local shelter, despite feeling anxious about social interactions. By focusing on your value of compassion, you can move forward with meaningful actions, regardless of your anxiety.
The Language of Managing Emotions
Instead of using terms like "overcome," "defeat," "conquer," or "control," we can adopt a language that reflects a more accepting and compassionate approach. Here are some alternative phrases:
Manage: "I am learning to manage my anxiety."
Navigate: "I am navigating through my fears."
Accept: "I accept my emotions as they come."
Allow: "I allow myself to feel these sensations."
Experience: "I am experiencing my emotions fully."
Observe: "I observe my thoughts without judgment."
Coexist: "I can coexist with my discomfort."
Conclusion
The ACT approach to managing unwanted thoughts, emotions, and sensations emphasizes acceptance, mindfulness, and values-based living. By shifting our focus from trying to control or overcome our internal experiences to managing and accepting them, we can reduce the struggle and find more peace and fulfillment in our lives. This compassionate and flexible approach allows us to live more authentically, in harmony with our true selves and our deepest values.
Let’s take a moment to reflect on the true source of wisdom.
Wisdom isn't about having all the answers; it's about understanding the questions. It's about being open to learning from our experiences and finding meaning in our journey. In a world that often prioritizes quick fixes and surface-level solutions, cultivating inner wisdom allows us to navigate life's complexities with grace and authenticity.
Take a step back, breathe, and connect with your inner self. Recognise your strengths, embrace your vulnerabilities, and learn from every experience. This is the path to true wisdom. It's not some guru type approach. The more we can realise, particularly, that we are not our thoughts, we are not the sum total of our thoughts and feelings, but, rather we have those thoughts and feelings, there is no denying this, it's more that we can learn to be less of a slave to them and recognise when they are serving us well in this present moment and when they aren't. The more we can learn to 'manage' them, the more we can be present and more aligned to our own inner wisdom.
"True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us." - Socrates
Introduction: Change is an inevitable part of life, but it can often be daunting and overwhelming. Embracing change with mindfulness allows us to navigate life's transitions with grace and resilience. By staying present and aware, we can transform our experiences and find meaning in every moment.
Understanding Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment, aware of our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment. This practice can help us manage stress, reduce anxiety, and improve our overall well-being.
The Power of Mindfulness in Transformation:
Stay Present: By focusing on the present moment, we can reduce the impact of anxiety about the future and regrets about the past.
Build Resilience: Mindfulness helps us develop the mental strength to face challenges head-on and bounce back from setbacks.
Enhance Self-Awareness: Understanding our thoughts and emotions allows us to make better decisions and take actions aligned with our values.
Real-Life Example: Sarah's Journey: Jake, a professional struggling with overwhelming stress and anxiety, found solace in mindfulness. Through guided mindfulness practices, he learned to stay present, manage his emotions, and embrace change with far less struggle. His transformation is a testament to the power of mindfulness.
Simple Mindfulness Exercise: Try this quick mindfulness exercise at your desk:
Sit Comfortably: Place your feet flat on the floor and rest your hands on your lap.
Focus on Your Breath: Take a few deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.
Observe Your Thoughts: Notice any thoughts that arise without judgment. Simply acknowledge them and bring your focus back to your breath.
Return to the Present: After a few minutes, slowly bring your awareness back to your surroundings.
Conclusion: Embracing change with mindfulness can transform your life. By staying present, building resilience, and enhancing self-awareness, you can navigate life's transitions with greater ease and positivity. Start incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine and witness the transformative power it brings to your life.
Call to Action: If you're ready to embrace change and transform your life, reach out to learn more about our mindfulness-based counseling and coaching services. Let's embark on this journey together! Contact Mark today. Simply complete the following form for a confidential contact.
Mindfulness is the practice of bringing your full attention to the present moment. It involves being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment. The main attribute of mindfulness is its ability to anchor us in the present, helping us to become less attached to worrying about the future or ruminating over the past.
The Power of the Present Moment
When we focus on the present moment, we can reduce the grip of anxiety-provoking thoughts about the future and the regrets or guilt associated with the past. This shift in focus can have profound effects on our mental well-being, allowing us to experience life more fully and with greater clarity.
Reducing Anxiety and Regret
By staying present, we learn to observe our thoughts without getting caught up in them. This detachment helps in reducing anxiety, as we are not projecting our fears into the future. Similarly, mindfulness can lessen feelings of regret and guilt by preventing us from dwelling on past mistakes. Instead, we accept them as part of our experience and move forward with a clearer, more balanced perspective.
A Simple Mindfulness Exercise
You don't need a special setting to practice mindfulness. Here’s a simple exercise you can do even while sitting at your desk:
Sit Comfortably: Find a comfortable sitting position. Place your feet flat on the floor and rest your hands on your lap.
Focus on Your Breath: Close your eyes if you’re comfortable doing so. Begin by taking a few deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.
Observe Your Breath: After a few deep breaths, allow your breathing to return to its natural rhythm. Focus your attention on the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body. Notice the rise and fall of your chest or the feeling of air passing through your nostrils.
Acknowledge Thoughts: As you focus on your breath, you might notice thoughts entering your mind. Instead of engaging with them, simply acknowledge their presence and gently bring your attention back to your breath.
Scan Your Body: Take a moment to scan your body from head to toe. Notice any areas of tension or discomfort. Breathe into these areas, imagining the tension melting away with each exhale.
Return to the Present: After a few minutes, slowly bring your awareness back to your surroundings. Open your eyes if they were closed, and take a moment to notice how you feel.
This simple practice can help you center yourself, reduce stress, and enhance your focus, making it easier to tackle your tasks with a calm and clear mind.
Conclusion
Mindfulness is a powerful tool for managing stress and improving mental health. By bringing our attention to the present moment, we can reduce the impact of anxious thoughts and past regrets, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life. Try incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine with the simple exercise above, and experience the benefits of living in the now.
Taking time for self-care is crucial for maintaining mental and emotional health, especially in our busy professional lives. Today, let's focus on simple self-care practices that can bring balance and rejuvenation.
🌿 Mindful Moments: Take a few minutes to practice mindfulness, whether it's through meditation, deep breathing, or a quiet walk in nature. What do you enjoy doing that you can do with minimal distraction, allowing you to focus on just about every aspect of the activity?
📚 Engage in Hobbies: Dedicate time to activities you love, be it reading, gardening, or painting. Insert your hobby here _____________.
👥 Connect with Loved Ones: Spend quality time with family or friends, nurturing your relationships and creating joyful memories.
Remember, self-care isn't selfish—it's essential. What self-care practice will you embrace today?
When it comes to mental health, traditional psychology has often emphasized symptom reduction. However, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a different approach, focusing on building psychological flexibility. This method not only alleviates symptoms but also enhances overall well-being.
The Focus of ACT
ACT works by increasing psychological flexibility through six interrelated processes, organized into three pillars: open, aware, and active. Research shows that improving psychological flexibility leads to a better quality of life and a reduction in psychiatric symptoms.
Limitations of Symptom Reduction
Non-Scientific Diagnoses:
Traditional psychiatric diagnoses, such as those in the DSM and ICD, are based on consensus rather than objective biological markers. This means diagnoses are subjective and can vary significantly between practitioners.
Symptom Reduction is Incomplete:
Simply reducing symptoms like anxiety or depression doesn't necessarily improve overall quality of life. True well-being involves building healthy patterns and wisdom, not just eliminating discomfort.
Experiential Avoidance
Research indicates that avoiding or escaping thoughts and feelings (experiential avoidance) actually increases anxiety and depression. ACT, on the other hand, teaches mindfulness and acceptance skills to help individuals manage emotions effectively and live fully.
Practical Application of ACT
In therapy, many clients initially seek to reduce anxiety or depression. However, these goals are vague and don’t guide actionable steps. ACT helps individuals focus on living well despite their emotions. By promoting psychological flexibility, clients learn to navigate their feelings and continue moving forward, even through discomfort.
Conclusion
Psychological flexibility offers a more comprehensive and effective approach to mental health than symptom reduction alone. It empowers individuals to live fulfilling lives by embracing their experiences and maintaining a balanced perspective.
Welcome to Flexibility Friday! Today, we’re diving into the concept of psychological flexibility and how it can be a game-changer for professionals and business leaders. In the fast-paced world of business, adaptability, resilience, and mental agility are key to navigating challenges and thriving in your career. Let's explore what psychological flexibility is, why it matters, and how you can cultivate it to enhance your professional life.
What is Psychological Flexibility?
Psychological flexibility is the ability to adapt to changing circumstances, manage difficult emotions, and stay committed to your values and goals. It involves being open to new experiences, accepting setbacks as part of the journey, and taking proactive steps to move forward, even in the face of adversity. For professionals and business leaders, this means being able to handle stress, make informed decisions under pressure, and maintain a balanced perspective.
Why is Psychological Flexibility Important for Professionals?
Enhanced Decision-Making: In the business world, the ability to make quick, effective decisions is crucial. Psychological flexibility helps you remain calm and focused, enabling you to assess situations objectively and choose the best course of action.
Improved Stress Management: High-stress levels are common in professional environments. By developing psychological flexibility, you can better manage stress, reducing its impact on your mental and physical health.
Greater Resilience: Setbacks and failures are inevitable in any career. Psychological flexibility equips you with the resilience to bounce back from challenges, learn from mistakes, and continue striving toward your goals.
Effective Leadership: Leaders who are psychologically flexible can inspire and motivate their teams more effectively. They can navigate complex interpersonal dynamics, foster a positive work environment, and lead by example in embracing change and uncertainty.
How to Cultivate Psychological Flexibility
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. By incorporating mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or mindful walking into your daily routine, you can improve your awareness of your thoughts and emotions, helping you respond to challenges more effectively. Even a 1 minute awareness focus on your immediate surroundings such as wriggling your toes and a couple of slower, deeper breaths, will reset your focus and awareness on the present, right here, right now and with practise you will gain that clarity of being more present and less attached the agitation you just a moment ago were experiencing.
Embrace Acceptance: Acceptance means acknowledging your thoughts and feelings without trying to change or suppress them. This can help you manage stress and anxiety more effectively, allowing you to focus on what you can control and letting go of what you cannot.
Clarify Your Values: Understanding your core values can guide your actions and decisions, especially in difficult times. Take some time to reflect on what matters most to you in your professional and personal life, and let these values drive your behavior and goals.
Set Meaningful Goals: Once you’ve clarified your values, set specific, achievable goals that align with them. This provides direction and motivation, helping you stay focused and committed even when faced with obstacles.
Take Committed Action: Psychological flexibility involves taking proactive steps toward your goals, even when it’s uncomfortable or challenging. Break your goals into manageable steps and take consistent action, adjusting your approach as needed based on feedback and results.
Develop Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially during setbacks or failures. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. This helps build resilience and encourages a growth mindset.
Conclusion
Psychological flexibility is a vital skill for professionals and business leaders, enabling you to navigate the complexities of the business world with resilience and clarity. By practicing mindfulness, embracing acceptance, clarifying your values, setting meaningful goals, taking committed action, and developing self-compassion, you can cultivate this important trait and enhance your professional success.
Thank you for joining us on Flexibility Friday. Remember, building psychological flexibility is a journey, and every step you take brings you closer to becoming the resilient, adaptable leader you aspire to be.
